bring me two pina coladas...

So BOY joins my fam for dinner on Wednesday night and mommy Frank has just purchased a DELICIOUS pineapple. Good thing we have a handy dandy nifty thrifty pineapple corer (which is one of the coolest inventions EVER btw)! So anyways, we core the pineapple and BOY has one of his fantastic ideas that only he would think of (my family and I would just eat the pineapple…maybe with some cool whip, because, hey, that’s the fastest, easiest way to get it into our mouths!)…let’s make virgin pina coladas! Of course! I am a little skeptical…do we even KNOW what’s in a pina colada? So we guesstimate that it’s comprised of milk and/or cream, ice, coconut, sugar, and of course, pineapple. My mother gets out her blender and BOY begins pouring the ingredients in. When all the ingredients have been added, we press the ‘blend’ button and WWWHHHIIIIIRRRRRR!!! The engine runs but there is no action. Crap. Mom, didn’t the blender break like 5 years ago…WHILE I WAS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL? Yes, but she thinks she got it fixed…but maybe not. Hmmm…so we have the ingredients for pina coladas…maybe just drink them like an icy beverage? NO! my mother remembers that she has been using the food processor in lieu of the blender for the past few year…let’s make coladas in the Cuisinart! Stephie1010 merely nods with a quizzical ‘I don’t think is going to work out look.’ But BOY and mom are !SO PUMPED! about the possibility of a pina colada evening. So we load um the cuisinart and WHOA! liquid starts leaking out onto the counter…(so right now we have a dirty cutting board, blender, cups, bowl, utensils, and milky pineapple juice leaking everywhere onto the counter…). Hmmm…perhaps the blade was not inserted correctly! Liquid poured into a container and food processor components are inspected closely. Mom, as she is popping the blade into place on the machine, “let’s test it with water this time!” Um, okay, but I still think it’s going to leak. BOY and mom begin to fill the processor one cup of water at a time. I exclaim…’it’s leaking out the sides already!’ but they don’t listen…it’s just the water from rinsing it out…finally, the 4th cup of water starts GUSHING out the sides! AAAHHHH! Water is spewing everywhere! Okay, not really, but it’s leaking REALLY FAST onto the counter and rushing over the ledge and onto the floor. Many towels were harmed in the cleanup process. Defeat is finally acknowledged. We attempt to mash the pineapple and make an iced pineapple milk, and it’s quite tasty, but not pina colada caliber. And the OBVIOUSLY broken machines are stowed right back where we found them. Like we aren’t going to forget that they don’t work until we need them again…