Do you ever sit back and think about the decisions you have made in the past that have drastically affected your life today? Today at work I was twirling in my chair, chomping my gum, sipping a Diet Coke, and surfing the internet when all of a sudden (BAM!), it hit me; any choice I make could potentially be THE defining choice of my life. It might seem like a trivial choice…paper or plastic ma’am? Plastic…

Well that plastic bag could get caught in the draft of my fan and suffocate me in my sleep! That plastic bag might break in front of my car just as the chivalrous FMIM (future man I marry) is walking by and he might stop to help me. DING! And of course, that plastic bag, my friends, might be of no consequence except as a means of transporting loot into my house. But you never know…

Now, I try not to get too deep on this thing. My blog generally serves as a means of blowing steam or sharing a bit of the craziness that ensues constantly in my mind. If you know me, you know that the smatterings of thought I share on the www are genuine reflections of how I function. I never stop thinking. But on the flip side, those closest to me also know that sometimes my sense of humor or my extreme ‘chipperness’ is also a cover up when I am really struggling with feelings or laden with deep thoughts. Well, it’s not a cover up, but it’s all I know. I hate to appear vulnerable, and sometimes I fear that indecisiveness of any kind will make me just that. And sometimes I don’t want to confront the nagging feelings or thoughts that plague me; I just want to push them away for a later date when they will inevitable implode and leave me REALLY crazy.

I’m not sharing this to make people think my craziness and happiness is all a façade. It’s not. I am vivacious and boisterous and truly excited about EVERYTHING 99.9% of the time. And the other .1% of the time, it would take a VERY intuitive person to read into what I am really thinking. There are definite signs and flags that I proffer up to those who can see them. Or even care to see them. I want a few more of those people in my life. I don’t really have anyone near me who KNOWS me, who I can be totally boring and silent and sometimes, quite poopie with.

Right now, I can’t stop thinking about decisions. Decisions I have made. Decisions I will make. Webster’s Online defines a decision as “a determination arrived at after consideration.” Determination. Consideration. Pretty heavy words. How many flippant decisions have I made? How many have I actually dedicated the proper amount of time and attention to? Probably not enough. However, one of my biggest pet peeves is people who treat every decision like it is do or die. Weigh out all the possibilities. Or those who just CAN’T decide. We are all waiting on YOU sunshine.

So obviously, decisions are a big part of life. They seem to be dominating one particular section of my life at the moment. And after (much) consideration, I STILL do not know what to do. Maybe that is just the thing I should do…nothing. Just wait it out and see how it all unfolds. Sounds easy enough…feels impossible.